I am most grateful for this morning, as I sit in this room where the sun soaks in through the window each and every day. I sip on tea and I spend a morning resting with my Jesus. A beautiful night of fellowship and conversation last night has led me to reflecting on some of the restoration and redemption that my Jesus is doing in my life.
This past semester of.. well, life.. has been one of the harder ones. There were things from my summer in Haiti that threw me into a whirlwind of emotions and just plain hard things that I needed to work through. But instead of acknowledging them and working through them, I pushed them to the side. Things continued to come up throughout the semester with school, bible study, home life, and it became too much. I shut down. I was numb. It became easier for me to continue to brush things off and pretend that everything was fine. It became easier to avoid talking to friends about what was going on, as well as my Jesus.
Towards the end of the semester, I knew that enough was enough. I knew I needed to have the first of many hard conversations to come with the One who had been waiting all semester for me. That was the beginning of a hard road to reconciling my heart to Jesus. I also had hard conversations with friends, finally beginning to share things that were hard.
One night I remember being specifically hard in trying to work through something. But while this moment was not a beautiful one, I learned to see the beauty that was in that moment. As I sat in tears, my dear dear friend and kindred to me sat there holding me. And she broke the silence with a soft voice, singing...
This past semester of.. well, life.. has been one of the harder ones. There were things from my summer in Haiti that threw me into a whirlwind of emotions and just plain hard things that I needed to work through. But instead of acknowledging them and working through them, I pushed them to the side. Things continued to come up throughout the semester with school, bible study, home life, and it became too much. I shut down. I was numb. It became easier for me to continue to brush things off and pretend that everything was fine. It became easier to avoid talking to friends about what was going on, as well as my Jesus.
Towards the end of the semester, I knew that enough was enough. I knew I needed to have the first of many hard conversations to come with the One who had been waiting all semester for me. That was the beginning of a hard road to reconciling my heart to Jesus. I also had hard conversations with friends, finally beginning to share things that were hard.
One night I remember being specifically hard in trying to work through something. But while this moment was not a beautiful one, I learned to see the beauty that was in that moment. As I sat in tears, my dear dear friend and kindred to me sat there holding me. And she broke the silence with a soft voice, singing...
..and the sun it does not cause us, the sun it does not cause us to grow. it is the rain that will strengthen, the rain that will strengthen your soul. it will make you whole..
That moment I have held so very dear to my heart. And that song has been a big part of my life. Looking back at this past season of my life, I am able to see the hard ache and the hurt, but I am also ever so clearly able to see much more. I see that the Lord never left my side. I see that He patiently held out His arms.. waiting for me to come to Him. I see the lavish grace that He wanted to pour over me, and did. I see how He has and continues to make me new. I see how I am and continue to be changed by His beauty. I see how the rain has strengthened my soul.
The work is not done. God is continuing to shape my heart. He is continuing to make me new and change me by His beauty. It doesn't always feel the best, but in the end you get to look back and see the Lord's hand in it all. You get to see where He was holding your hand through each step.
So let Him. Let go of the hurt, the messy, the brokenness. Let Him in. Let Him romance you once again. Let Him just hold you. Let Him pour His grace over you. Let Him shape your heart and make it more like His every day. Let Him make you new. Let Him change you by His beauty.
..and let this song speak to your soul.
The work is not done. God is continuing to shape my heart. He is continuing to make me new and change me by His beauty. It doesn't always feel the best, but in the end you get to look back and see the Lord's hand in it all. You get to see where He was holding your hand through each step.
So let Him. Let go of the hurt, the messy, the brokenness. Let Him in. Let Him romance you once again. Let Him just hold you. Let Him pour His grace over you. Let Him shape your heart and make it more like His every day. Let Him make you new. Let Him change you by His beauty.
..and let this song speak to your soul.