In just 5 shorts day, I will be embarking on something of a journey that has been a dream for as long as I can remember. For many years it has been one of my biggest aspirations in life to live in another country for 1-2 years and becoming fluent in another language besides me own. To fully immerse myself in unknown beauty. But I always wondered if I really had the ability, the drive, even the courage to make this dream a reality?
So this past year when I was going to be graduating in December and working in eau claire only through the end of spring, I began to think and dream.. I was going to be free as a bird. If there was any time that I could make this long time dream a reality, it was probably going to be now. And while deciding where I would most want to go, (I was thinking Central/South America), I had been building beautiful friendships with a few Brazilians studying in Eau Claire. I immediately thought that if I was already getting to know Brazilian culture, people, and language through these individuals.. why would I not choose Brazil!? Also that this country is home to people who have grown to be such dear friends to me. So, Brazil it was! Last fall is when I began the process of looking for opportunities in Brazil. I was willing to aupair, teach, pretty much anything to get me this dream that I was clinging to. Months passed and I still hadn't found anything concrete. At the end of May was when I finished my job in Eau Claire and would be moving home until I found something in Brazil. And who knows how long this could be. As I was doing some serious conversing with God one evening, I realized that I had never really consulted Him with this whole process. I had never once asked Him what He thought about it all or even asked for His blessing. And if I had, it definitely wasn't sincere. I wanted it bad enough, so I was going to do what it took to get it.
There came a time when I realized how much I had been shutting God out of this huge process, I had to cry out to Him and ask for Him to have His will in my life whatever that meant. For Him to take away Brazil if that's what it meant. And for the first time, I really had surrendered the idea.. which by the way was one of the hardest things to do. To let go of something that I had been holding on to so tightly and invested so much of my time and energy into, just to let go seemed almost impossible. But when I was thinking about it.. how could I not let go and give the reigns to a God who knows what is best for me and has my best in mind. To give the reigns to a God who knows my dreams and passions and even put them there, but also cares for my heart and knows what it needs more than I even do. So there it was. I was moving home with not a job, not much of a community, and a loosely held dream.
Now I know that things don't always work out this way, in fact they often times don't which is why I am completely humbled by God's grace and mercy to me... but within a week of moving home God had graciously given me a beautiful family to work for. He had opened a door and you bet I was going to walk through it! Throughout the whole process I was almost forced to surrender this idea daily still because it is somewhat of a grueling process applying for a visa if you've never done it before. But all the while knowing that my Jesus had my best in mind. With that said, it's been a wild ride thus far. Last saturday I checked the status of my visa and it said authorized, then this wednesday I received the actual visa in the mail. I held it in my hands and just about cried.
I am five days out from walking into a whole lot of unknown, extremely excited but also slightly nervous. But I hold on tight to the promise that I do not go alone. I walk in confidence trusting and knowing that this is where my Jesus is leading me and He goes with me and before me. I have moments where I don't even feel like I deserve this because it's what I asked for in my stubbornness and now I am getting to do it. But I told myself that because God is giving me this opportunity and I definitely don't deserve it, there is nothing I can do but give it back to Him. So I go into this with hands open wide, a heart ready to serve and love to whatever capacity, a quiet soul to listen and learn, and wide eyes to take in all the beauty that I am anticipating.
God has prepared me for such a time as this.
Brasil, ate em breve.. beijos!
So this past year when I was going to be graduating in December and working in eau claire only through the end of spring, I began to think and dream.. I was going to be free as a bird. If there was any time that I could make this long time dream a reality, it was probably going to be now. And while deciding where I would most want to go, (I was thinking Central/South America), I had been building beautiful friendships with a few Brazilians studying in Eau Claire. I immediately thought that if I was already getting to know Brazilian culture, people, and language through these individuals.. why would I not choose Brazil!? Also that this country is home to people who have grown to be such dear friends to me. So, Brazil it was! Last fall is when I began the process of looking for opportunities in Brazil. I was willing to aupair, teach, pretty much anything to get me this dream that I was clinging to. Months passed and I still hadn't found anything concrete. At the end of May was when I finished my job in Eau Claire and would be moving home until I found something in Brazil. And who knows how long this could be. As I was doing some serious conversing with God one evening, I realized that I had never really consulted Him with this whole process. I had never once asked Him what He thought about it all or even asked for His blessing. And if I had, it definitely wasn't sincere. I wanted it bad enough, so I was going to do what it took to get it.
There came a time when I realized how much I had been shutting God out of this huge process, I had to cry out to Him and ask for Him to have His will in my life whatever that meant. For Him to take away Brazil if that's what it meant. And for the first time, I really had surrendered the idea.. which by the way was one of the hardest things to do. To let go of something that I had been holding on to so tightly and invested so much of my time and energy into, just to let go seemed almost impossible. But when I was thinking about it.. how could I not let go and give the reigns to a God who knows what is best for me and has my best in mind. To give the reigns to a God who knows my dreams and passions and even put them there, but also cares for my heart and knows what it needs more than I even do. So there it was. I was moving home with not a job, not much of a community, and a loosely held dream.
Now I know that things don't always work out this way, in fact they often times don't which is why I am completely humbled by God's grace and mercy to me... but within a week of moving home God had graciously given me a beautiful family to work for. He had opened a door and you bet I was going to walk through it! Throughout the whole process I was almost forced to surrender this idea daily still because it is somewhat of a grueling process applying for a visa if you've never done it before. But all the while knowing that my Jesus had my best in mind. With that said, it's been a wild ride thus far. Last saturday I checked the status of my visa and it said authorized, then this wednesday I received the actual visa in the mail. I held it in my hands and just about cried.
I am five days out from walking into a whole lot of unknown, extremely excited but also slightly nervous. But I hold on tight to the promise that I do not go alone. I walk in confidence trusting and knowing that this is where my Jesus is leading me and He goes with me and before me. I have moments where I don't even feel like I deserve this because it's what I asked for in my stubbornness and now I am getting to do it. But I told myself that because God is giving me this opportunity and I definitely don't deserve it, there is nothing I can do but give it back to Him. So I go into this with hands open wide, a heart ready to serve and love to whatever capacity, a quiet soul to listen and learn, and wide eyes to take in all the beauty that I am anticipating.
God has prepared me for such a time as this.
Brasil, ate em breve.. beijos!