Today as I progressed through my beautifully slow morning (I really do love those ones), I honestly was just feeling sorta low because I just haven't been 'feeling' it. Ya know those days or weeks when you feel like you are going through the motions of what a relationship with your God is supposed to look like, but that's about all that's happening. I found myself in tears as I cried out to Jesus to hear my prayers that my heart was so desperately praying. I couldn't help but think of how terrible I felt that in this time when I'm supposed to feel and reflect most on the love and grace and life of my Jesus, and how I just can't feel it. I prayed that the weight of it all would set into my heart. And my friends, as I heard the words of a pastor slowly speak over (what seemed directly to me), I hear 'He's closer than you know.' And that was it. I cried and prayed to climb out of this funk that I was in and that truth seems just enough of what I needed to hear. God sent His Son to show love and make things new for every living soul on this earth. That also means you. God sent His son to show love and make things new for you. Let Him. Let Him make your life into a new creation. Let His love wash over you. Watch as He transforms who you are and be pleasantly surprised by the beauty that unfolds when you let go.
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..if you haven't yet, give this song and the entire album a listen. Let it speak to your soul. Waiting is probably one of the hardest things to practice. I was having a conversation the other day with one of my roommates about waiting and just how tedious it can seem, if that even makes sense. You wake up every morning and count in your head how long until this thing will happen. It sometimes can even be consuming to your thoughts and cause you to be distracted from your everyday life events.
And this is where it becomes dangerous, I think. Because it really can distract you. And it also causes you to be impatient with the present and what you are being led through in the current, and what God might be trying to teach you. We always want to fast forward through this hard waiting period.. but can you imagine if we would fast forward through every session of waiting that is handed to us. Think about it.. you are always going to be waiting for something, whether big or small.. waiting for graduation, for that perfect job, for a promotion, for your exciting weekend plans, for spring break or summer break, to be married, to have children, to have grandchildren, to retire.. I mean come on. Imagine if you would skip through all of those seasons of waiting how much you would miss out on in the in-betweens. A whole lot, that's how much! I'm currently doing a little waiting of my own. I'm waiting to find out whether or not I'm going to get a job au-pairing for a family in Brazil. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't think about this opportunity frequently and imagine what a life there could look like. What it would be like to be submerged in this new culture, to know not a single soul and have to make all new friends, to live within walking distance from the ocean, to turn on the tv and not hear english, but portuguese in my ears. Ya know.. there's a lot that could consume your mind with a move like this one. But man, I just don't want to be consumed by this and miss out on the incredible moments and people around me. I love the city I live in. I love the culture, the home, and the people.. oh gosh do I love the people. So I made a promise with God and myself that no matter what happens with this job, that I would be devoted to my life here in my present location so I can take in every last moment, chew on it, and just savor.. thanking Him for every last piece of it because I will never again in my life, be in this exact position that I find myself in currently. So if you're in an in-between (and I'd bet the bunch of bananas I just bought that you are).. don't wish it away. Take every moment, to the best of your ability, and even ask God for help, in treasuring it. Thank Him for it and treasure it. their reopening is magic. breakfast on-the-go. always a winner on grand ave. some nights are for watching frozen and snuggling. I work here. gosh, I do love her.. I got this text and my day was made. growing up whenever we drove past cows my mom would roll down the window, beep her horn and yell in the funniest voice 'heeeeeeeeeeeeeey girls!'
Since graduating in December, I have began my first real life/I'm degree qualified/full time job as an assistant teacher in the Daffodil Room at the Children's Nature Academy. I work with 1 year olds all day and it poops me out, but also makes me laugh until I cry somedays. As I work with these lil babes, because of the nature of my relationship with them, I can't help but see a direct parallel to my relationship with my Jesus and my spiritual journey. So here it is.. as a teacher I sure do a lot of correcting, disciplining, encouraging and instructing. But now I'll show you what I've been learning... >> "When I call"... sometimes when I call for the children, they don't come right away, or at all. They do not come maybe out of fear to what will happen, because they're lazy, they know they're doing something they shouldn't be, but are too caught up in it, or even just out of sheer stubbornness. That is when I get up and go to them, I meet them where they're at.. sometimes I have to take them by the hand and guide them where I'm calling. >> "The importance of rest"... they don't always appreciate it, but the resting piece of our day is crucial. >> "When they're hurt"... I run to them and while sometimes I need to assure them verbally that they're okay, more often than not, they are calmed down simply by my presence alone as I hold them close. >> "When they're not listening"... generally when they are not listening it is because my voice is drowned out by other surrounding noise. This is when I walk over to them, hold their hands and refocus their attention on me and repeat what I said before, now that I have their attention. Also, did I mention that I love when they finally listen on their own?? :) >> "They make me laugh.. so much." >> "Their best in mind"... whatever it may be about or pertaining to, I generally have their best in mind. They might not like the current what is happening or even understand in the moment, but I really am doing what I do with their best in mind. >> "I love when they love me and just wanna be with me." --------------------------------------------------------- Now, I'm sure that the learning has only just begun, but that's what I got so far. Here are a few, sweet shots of the little pumpkins that inspired me. CHEERS!
In January, which I know produced not a single blogpost, I got to do something really neat. I flew to Las Vegas and spent 6 days there exploring the city and all (well maybe not all- haha) it had to offer with 4 people that I really enjoy. Technically I flew out in on the 31st of December, but most of the time spent there was in the New Year. While there, we even took advantage of our close proximity to the Grand Canyon, and I just ate that up. Overall, it was quite the experience and here's a few shots to prove it. //big lights//an extravagant new years party//fireworks// blackjack//roadtrips//dancing//casinos//meals at Denny's//dj-tiesto//late nights//planes and buses//grand canyon//portuguese//cirque du soleil//rented cars// $9 bottles of water//pictures on pictures//longhorn hotel//5 roommates,6 days//las vegas baby// ... for a warm home with an even warmer family that welcomes friends and makes them family. ... for the little squirt who thinks winning every board game we play is a God-given right to her. ... for the opportunity to bring my two friends home for break to experience a true Thanksgiving feast. ... for laughter that sounds the same in every language. ... for a weekend where I learned things in Portuguese that I most likely will never use in my life. ... for hugs, lots of hugs to show we care for those dear ones in our life. ... for a trip to Milwaukee and the pictures we have to show for it. ... for living life with these two and the privilege of getting to enter into their culture. ... for the fact that in this picture I'm apparently just livin' life and loving every minute of it. ... for superpowers of course. .... oh, and for this picture. haha I really am thankful for the things that make this life so beautiful and there sure are a lot of them.
on repeat.. give it a listen if you haven't... or if you have
Well.. I think it's safe to say that it's been too long. Here's the deal.. Jesus has been showing me some things this semester and I'm gonna share these with you. This semester has been a hard one. I haven't exactly been the best friend to my Jesus. I wasn't making time to talk or commune with Him, and my friends.. this is a necessity. If ever you realize it more, it's when you go without for some time. The more I withdrew myself from communion with my Jesus, the further I felt from Him and it was all my own doing. He never left me. He never packed His bags and headed south for the winter. He's been here the whole time. I only realized this after some time passed, mistakes were made, and tears shed. But my Jesus opened those arms of His and whispered that He loved me and hadn't went anywhere. I realized that I was being the stubborn one. I wasn't allowing myself to recognize this grace that I had already experienced so many times in my life. I knew what I needed to do: make time for Him. That was the very first thing that my Jesus showed me. ^^You make time for the ones you love.. because well, you love them and why would you want to give them any reason to think otherwise. And also because.. well, you love them and therefore you love spending time with them.. they are life giving and bring joy. So, this is where it was my turn to be intentional about making the time. I decided that I was going to start reading through the Old Testament, beginning to end. Genesis was the start of this journey.. I found that one part in particular stuck out to me.. 'Noah found favor in the eyes of God not because he was without sin, but because he walked with God, faithfully. genesis 6:8-9 So first, the pure fact that Noah was found favorable in the eyes of his God, well that's just beautiful. And secondly.. this being not because he had never or would never again in the future be found without sin, because unfortunately this is a reality that we are a broken creature and therefore have broken tendencies. But by the grace of a God, by the steady grace of a big God.. he was found favorable.. and I too am found favorable in the eyes of my God, and you my friend, are found favorable in the eyes of our God... if we are walking in step with Him. If we are in constant communion, we find favor in the eyes of the very God that created us and delights in us, His creation. Now, I must be clear with one thing.. this is not saying that we have a clear card to sin, because that's not the case. We need to take the sin that is corrupting our lives seriously and surrender that to Jesus. This isn't always as easy as it sounds either. In fact I know it's not as easy as it sounds. It's actually sometimes a really hard process. I know the worst place to be is caught up in sin that you're not willing to give up. But friends, accept that it is a process. And humbly ask your Jesus for help if you can't do it on your own. Because when you do.. it's so worth it. And it does get easier. So my friends, stop running. Don't let the sin in your life hold you back from running towards your Jesus. Even if you feel that right now you can't run, but maybe all you can do it crawl His way.. the reality? He's going to meet you exactly where you are, He's going to pick you up, and tell you that He loves you. Let steady grace reign in your life. It may be a process, but start it. Start the process. Let your Jesus come to you and heal your heart. (*Also, I'm fairly confident that someone needed to hear this, because there were several set backs in my trying to post this. The enemy is at work.. but we serve a God that is far bigger than any of his schemes.)
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This life is not my own and so I choose to take the hand of the One who knows what lies ahead. Along the way we sing, we dance, we are learning portuguese and living in Brazil, and always gazing on beauty.^^^^
bind my wandering heart to Thee Archives
March 2016
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